Previously Unreleased Images

Lest we forget the hardscrabble life Paul and Leeann led as newlyweds.... Hot evenings on the porch cooling off with some Busch Light; Paul's job at the manure plant; Leeann's late-night shifts on the ore docks. Times were tough, but they always had each other. And overalls and cut-offs. And cut-off overalls.

Few people also seem to recall Paul's groundbreaking first marriage to John Myers. While their union was never officially recognized (as it was deemed just a bit "too icky" by the state of Minnesota) at the time, Paul and John share a beautiful bond that lasts to this day (*Just don't tell Leeann).

Birthday week

And so it has begun.

LIO Weekend Oscar-Nominated Movie Titles

“There Will Be Gin”

“Wino”

“Vodkatonement”

“No Country for Old Menthols”

“Michael Claytonic”

Cutest. Couple. Ever.

 
Back when the Adamses were mere zygotes, they took one of the most adorable pictures we've ever seen. To which we say, "What the hell happened?" Oh, just the immutable march of time; years of gin guzzling; mile after agonizing mile of mall shopping; bitter days on end in a musty Baltimore newspaper office and child-birth. All kidding aside, they still take the best pictures of any couple we know.

Drinking game schedule for New York...

7 p.m.: Gin (of course)
8 p.m.: Gin rummy
9 p.m. Shots and Ladders
10 p.m. Hop Scotch
11 p.m. Tic Tac Tanqueray
11:30 p.m. Hold a buddy's hair
12 a.m. Guess my name
1 a.m. Seriously, I don't know. Just take a guess
2 a.m. Do I have a driver's license? Maybe it says on there....
3 a.m. Name that candy ass

Dunes? Boobs. Boobs? Dunes.

 

One thing I think everyone ... no, wait, TWO things I think everybody appreciates about Leeann is her, well, er, um ... I'm talking of course about her smile and her laugh. Geez. What did you think I was talking about!?! Pervs. Oh, what the hell... How can you NOT mention these things when we're talking about Leeann!?!

Which brings me to this particular photo. It was taken in the summer of 2007 while we were on vacation in the Outer Banks. We were visiting Jockey's Ridge State Park near Kitty Hawk -- home to the largest sand dunes on the East Coast. Tragically, a family from Des Moines mistook Leeann's breasts for a portion of the park. They were beginning to make the trek from one mighty peak to the other when they apparently slipped "into the void." They have not been heard from since.

If You're Selling, I'm Buying

The girl can shop -- anytime, anywhere. Finds on this trip included a petrified piece of goat's poo and a sarong that said "Conseguí borracho en la República Dominicana" across the ass.

Feel the love, people. Happy Valentine's Day.

When We Were Young (But I Was Younger)

Welcome to my new Picture of the Day* feature, intended to bring you the very best of LA: her hair, her clothes, her highs, her lows, and of course, her man. To start, let's travel back to 1998. Leeann, then 30, threw a wedding shower for me at her Lakeside home. She would be serving brunch, she told me -- Three Leek Quiche. I remember thinking, Why just the three leeks? Won't there be a lot of us? It turned out to be Brie Leek Quiche...which I guess made more sense, though I'm not sure I had tried brie before that (remember, I was just 19). At least I knew how to make fried rice (ahem).
*Or whenever I feel like it.

Then and now...

Then: Yelled cheers from the sidelines while waving pom pons.
Now: Yells "Cheers!" just before passing out drunk.

Then and now, revisited:

Then: Jugs: Her nickname in junior high
Now: Jugs: Something to drink wine from at happy hour

Then: Mouthguard: Something her boyfriend wore playing hockey
Now: Mouthguard: Something Leeann wears while sleeping

Top 10, Volume II

Top 10 things that will be overheard on the streets of New York on the weekend of Feb. 29th:

(editor's note: It is best to read Vols. I and II in numerical order. Also, the reference in No. 8 is to broads, as in women, and not to girth. Just wanted to make that clear. Love ya, pumpkin!)

10. Hon, remember when you could get all the way across before the sign switched to "Don’t walk?"

9. No time for breakfast – I gotta Prada

8. Look Leeann, they named a street after you – Broadway!

7. For the last time, I don’t need your help crossing the street!

6. I don’t care what you say, I am not getting into a cab with her after the cheese course

5. This drink comes with a free scrunchy to hold your hair back

4. Shut up and watch your play – there are children starving for culture in Duluth!

3. By my calculations, Leeann left about $200 worth of foie gras, truffles and gin on the floor of that cab

2. Sorry, but I spent all of our bail money on Gucci

And the No. 1 thing that will be overheard on the streets of New York the weekend of Feb. 29th:

1. Thanks for the offer, sir, but Mr. Letterman doesn’t need help with tonight’s top 10 list.

Then and Now:

Ok, time to start a new feature that I'll call "Then and Now." I've posted a few below to get the ball rolling, but now it's up to all of you to keep adding to it.

Then: AC/DC was her favorite band
Now: AC/DC are her favorite vitamin supplements

Then: Played tag on the playground
Now: Skin tags everywhere

Then: Listened to Counting Crows
Now: Counting Crows … feet

Top 10, Volume I

Ok, this is rushed, but will have to do. Here is part one in a 10-part series:

Top 10 signs Leeann is getting old:

10. Increasingly intolerant of more than just lactose
9. Boy Scouts keep trying to help her cross the street
8. Her hair color comes from a bottle (see previous post)
7. Buys bras for comfort, rather than sexiness
6. Seriously, these bras are architectural wonders. I call them battle cruisers, because they can stop bullets
5. Getting in or out of a chair involves lots of sound effects
4. More sound effects in general (see item No. 10)
3. Has lots of gay friends, just like the Golden Girls
2. No longer hip -- just hippy
And the No. 1 sign that Leeann is getting old:
1. Babe, you’ve already had your first colonoscopy. ‘Nuff said.

The old gray mare ain't what she used to be...

Ok, I have clearly been too busy of late because I have yet to pen an outrageous top 10 list or other ageist commentary about my almost-as-old-as-me spouse. The best will have to wait 'till later, when I have time to ponder how best to mock her in ways that only someone who has been dating her or married to her since roughly 1981 can (and will). But meanwhile, let me just say that I spent a good hour Sunday morning serving as Leeann's colorist, due primarily to the fact that her hair -- which was a luminescent, and natural, shade of blond when I first fell in love with her -- is starting to look more and more like an episode of the Golden Girls. Thankfully, two bottles of red hair coloring was able to hide her shame. At least for another month or two. Babe, don't feel bad. At least you have yours ...

Get. Out.

A story. From Matt:

Matt tells the project leader he's working for right now that he'll be taking some time off in a few weeks to go to NYC. Why, asks the project leader. For a friend's birthday, Matt says. She'll be turning 40.

NO WAY! the project leader responds, clearly shocked. You know people who are 40?!

Matt thought about this a while. At dinner, he says to me: then I realized, Leeann is a full 1o years (and 15 days) older than me. That's really damn old.

The end.

Leeannisms

1. Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2008: ENC 4930, my advanced writing course. I'm standing behind someone's computer screen and I'm reading over the student's work. I see something not-so-pleasant and I find myself, without even realizing it until mid-sentence, saying (in my best LA voice): "uhm, what's this you've got going on right here," and squiqqling my index finger vigorously in the general vicinity of the trouble on the screen. Ah, the flashbacks to many a LA smackdown at the Harris pag-terminal. I almost laughed right into the back of my writerly challenged student's head.

2. I think a camel would look good here.

What Can I Say?

Leeann already has her New York party outfit picked out. Here's a little preview:

This outfit has myriad benefits:
1. It saves Paul from having to hold her hair when her latest round of Apple-Tinis makes an "encore appearance."
2. The goggles double as eye protection from Karron's high-kicking misfires.
3. The bathing cap protects her wavy locks from "gin-tamination," most likely a misty splatter from one of Matt's uncontrolled laughing fits.

Let's Get This Party Started, People!

Our favorite gin-swilling, Poof-pushing, beach-loving, sugar-rush-laughing, always-smiling, video-taping, Canasta-losing, mall-hopping, SPF-scolding, fabulous-cooking, Karron-teasing, Aidan-squeezing, Paul-cuddling best friend, wife, mother and all-around-fantastic gal Leeann is turning 40 with a knock-down, drag-out mutha-effa of a visit to New York in a few short weeks.

It's time we started a little blog to let her know just how much we love her. Feel free to email me any miscellaneous musings, rants, raves and well-wishes as we gear up for a weekend of mayhem and merriment. Send any of your favorite Leeann pictures and we'll post them here. Jeezus. Forty-Fricking-Years-Old! Come on, people!